16 Things to Do at Walmart
by BigMouth96
Summary: CrackFic? Just a tad bit. The SVU gang go to Walmart and try to complete the list of things to do at Walmart. M for language.
1. AIM

**Well, I'm ACTUALLY supposed to be doing my English Honors CRAP that is DUE TOMORROW, but I HAD to type up this chapter that will be one of – hopefully – AT LEAST 16 more, so don't tell my mom! ;D**

**Anyways, ENJOY! ! ! ! xD**

**Chapter 1**

_stablersaurs has signed on._

_ConspiracyTerrist has signed on._

_Mel1234 has signed on._

_sexyblondebabe has signed on._

_DocFeelings has signed on._

_FinTHEfish has signed on._

_ImNOTaBUTTSUCKER has signed on._

_TackleDiva has signed on._

TackleDiva: did you guys get the lists yet?

stablersaurs: yup(;

FinTHEfish: yeah

ConspiracyTerriost: Of course.

Mel1234: I got mine too(:

ImNOTaBUTTSUCKER: nope.

ImNOTaBUTTSUCKER: scratch that. just got it.

sexyblondebabe: did Elliot put a winkie face? ! ? !

DocFeelings: yes to Olivia AND Alex

TackleDiva: You guys kno our mission, rite?

FinTHEfish: hell yeah! :D

ConspiracyTerriost: AND SO DOES THE GOVERNMENT! ! ! !

sexyblondebabe: STOP TALKING about the GOVERNMENT and ur STUPID theories!

ConspiracyTerriost: They're NOT STUPID! XO

stablersaurs: dammit Munch!

FinTHEfish: shut the hell up!

TackleDiva: guys? lets get back to the topic!

DocFeelings: John, they ARE stupid!

ConspiracyTerriost: This is coming from the guy whose AIM name is "DocFeelings"!

DocFeelings: Casey made me this, OKAY? ! ? ! Jeez! :P

Mel1234: why the _hell_ did Casey make u this? ! ? ! :o

TackleDiva: guys?

sexyblondebabe: yes, Liv?

TackleDiva: you guys kno ur tasks, rite?

FinTHEfish: yep

ImNOTaBUTTSUCKER: yessssssssssssssssss

stablersaurs: yeah(:

TackleDiva: okay. see you in about ten and remember – we may not make it back alive xD

_TackleDiva has signed off._

Stablersaurs: shes SOOO hawt! ;D

_stablersaurs has signed off._

ImNOTaBUTTSUCKER: Elliot is SUCH an idiot!

Mel1234: yeah! that was, like, SOO obvious! xD

_Mel1234 has signed off._

_ImNOTaBUTTSUCKER has signed off._

FinTHEfish: Im out

_FinTHEfish has signed off._

DocFeelings: Me too! See you guys l8r!

DocFeelings has signed off.

ConspiracyTerriost: So, Alex, what are you doing this Saturday night?

_sexyblondebabe has signed off._

Conspiracy Terrist: Fine! I see how it is!

_ConspiracyTerrist has signed off._

**Author's Note**

**Should I continue?**

**I think I know what I'm gonna be doing for upcoming chapters so. . . . COMMENT! ! ! ! xD**

**P.S. I purposely typed the way I did because no one really spells **_**all **_**of words correctly when they AIM.**


	2. 24 Boxes of Condoms

**Okay, so I'm sorry for not updating this! I'm, like, REALLY sorry! Anyways, I'm really happy because I'm not longer failing English Honors – **_**yay me!**_** – and that is the main reason I am updating this story. Enjoyyyyyyyyy! :D**

**By the way, because of the song in this chapter, I had to change the rating xD**

**Chapter 2**

About ten minutes later, Elliot had picked up Olivia at her house and the two were driving to pick up Alex. Olivia looked back and forth from her list to Elliot and back to her list again. _I wonder if this will hard to do? Nah. It'll be a piece of cake! Most of us are detectives after all._ Olivia smiled. Elliot looked over at her. _What the hell is she thinking about? I bet it's about me. Naked._ Elliot laughed.

"What are you laughing about, El?" Olivia looked back at him.

"Ummmmm…" Elliot thought for a moment. _If I tell her the truth, she'll think I'm self-absorbed. _"You. And me. In bed. Naked," he joked.

Olivia blushed. Lucky for her, she felt her phone vibrate. She looked down at it.

"Alex says she's ready. And she wants to know 'When the hell we're gonna get there'," Olivia read.

"Tell her we're about a block away."

**(-dun dun-)**

Now the three friends are in Elliot's car – Elliot driving, Olivia in the passenger's seat, and Alex in the back seat. They car radio was blaring and they were excitedly talking about their "mission" and the list.

"Do you guys think this is gonna be hard?" Alex asked them.

Elliot laughed.

"What?" she looked at him questioningly.

"You said hard!" He laughed even harder.

"Really? How old are you – twelve?" she exclaimed as she and Olivia rolled their eyes.

"Well actually-" Elliot started.

"Shusssssssh!" Olivia cut him off.

"Huh?"

"I LOVE THIS SONG!" she answered.

Olivia smiled as she turned up the car's radio. The song started out slowly. Then it started, Olivia loudly singing every word.

"Fasten your seatbelts – it's gonna be a bumpy ride"

The beat started to become faster. Alex smiled – she remembered this song!

_"What what! What what!  
Throw it up throw it up!  
Just don't give a fuck!  
What what! What what!  
Throw it up throw it up!  
Just don't give a fuck!"_

Olivia and Alex started getting into singing the song.

_"Cut to the chase, come get a taste  
I'll tell a bitch straight to her face  
Hey Lil Kim get on my nuts  
This flow that I spill will make you blush  
Up and down and up, up, up  
Suck me till I buh-buh-bust  
Triple "X" like Vin Di, rocking in my Fendi"_

Elliot watched them – he wasn't sure if this was the funniest thing he had ever seen or the most embarrassing.

_"Money, bitches, sex, and fame  
I'll teach you how to run this game  
Katy Perry's on my pole  
That bitch gets hot, the she's cold  
Can't catch me I'm at the top  
Smoke 'em dead I'm cream of the crop  
Party on dudes, girlies sending nudes  
I just touched your girlfriends boobs!"_

As it got to the chorus, Elliot remembered the song, too!

_"Jet black diamond hair  
People stare, I don't care  
Wanna taste? Sure I'll share  
Gotta be big, I'll take you there  
Glammed up, fabulous  
Looking hot, dangerous  
So vicious, delicious  
I got you fucking like it's fitness!"_

The three friends started singing at the top of their lungs.

_"What what! What what!  
Throw it up throw it up!  
Just don't give a fuck!  
What what! What what!  
Throw it up throw it up!  
Just don't give a fuck!_

_"You must be out your mind  
Slap it up and give me high five  
I'm getting rich, I'm looking fit  
You can suck my lollipop stick  
I'll throw a dildo in grave  
Party up and start a rave  
Grab your drinks and score your drugs  
Pimp your momma at the club…_

_"You know you want my taste  
Stand up congratulate  
It's not about the money  
It's all about our fans  
You made us who we are  
Our love goes epic far!"_

The chorus came again, and they sung it louder than the last time.

_"Jet black diamond hair,  
People stare, I don't care  
Wanna taste? Sure I'll share,  
Gotta be big, I'll take you there  
Glammed up, fabulous  
Looking hot, dangerous  
So vicious, delicious  
I got you fucking like it's fitness!_

_"What what! What what!  
Throw it up throw it up!  
Just don't give a fuck!  
What what! What what!  
Throw it up throw it up!  
Just don't give a fuck!_

_"What what! What what!  
Throw it up throw it up!  
Just don't give a fuck!  
What what! What what!  
Throw it up throw it up!  
Just don't give a fuck!"_

Every person that drove past them gave them dirty looks. One old lady even flipped them off! Olivia, Elliot, and Alex looked at each other as they sung the next part:

_"If you're one of the freaks,  
The faggots, the geeks  
The savages, the rogues  
The rebels, the dissident devils  
The artists, the martyrs  
And all the fire starters  
Break free from this hell  
Stand up and rebel  
Be proud of being different  
Speak loud and admit it  
Look hot and dangerous  
Be strong when you get dissed  
Don't ever forget that  
Hater…make…us…famous!"_

Now the three friends sung to the people who drove past them.

_"What what! What what!  
Throw it up throw it up!  
Just don't give a fuck!  
What what! What what!  
Throw it up throw it up!  
Just don't give a fuck!_

_"What what! What what!  
Throw it up throw it up!  
Just don't give a fuck!  
What what! What what!  
Throw it up throw it up!  
Just don't give a fuck!"_

As the song ended, they laughed and Elliot drove into the Walmart parking lot. They drove around for a few minutes, looking if they saw any of their other friends' cars. Deciding the others were already in Walmart, Elliot parked his car. The three friends grabbed their lists and proceeded to Walmart's sliding double doors. Once inside, they looked around.

"Do you guys think they're already here?" Olivia asked them.

Elliot shrugged. "I don't know."

"I'll text Casey and Mel," Alex replied.

"Okay. Tell 'em to hurry up."

**(-dun dun-)**

Five minutes, Alex still had not received a text from either Casey or Mel. Ten minutes later Elliot had texted Fin and Doc, and fifteen minutes later Olivia had texted Munch, and they didn't respond either. They were getting impatient: Olivia was tapping her foot loudly; Alex was pacing back and forth; and Elliot sighed loudly and checked his watch every ten seconds.

"Let's at least _try_ to get some headway," Olivia told them.

"Elliot, do you know where the condoms are?" Alex asked Elliot.

"I have no clue," he admitted.

"Olivia, if he woulda used condoms, then he and Kathy would not have had so many kids! Duh!"Alex exclaimed, cause the two girls to laugh.

"Screw you!" Elliot's face turned bright red.

"Make sure you use a condom! Cause I don't think Liv wants to be your baby's momma!" They started laughing even harder.

"That was so funny I forgot to laugh." Elliot's voice was full of sarcasm.

"You can always laugh now!" they shouted. They were now laughing so hard they could barely breathe.

"What's so funny?" Fin walked through the doors.

"You guys know you're making a scene, right?" Melinda appeared him, followed by everyone else.

"And the government is watching us!" Munch added.

"Shut up Munch!" everyone else told him. Casey and Doc, who were to his right and left, hit him.

"Damn you!" He gave them a dirty look.

"Hey! We're not here to argue! We're here to complete our mission!" Olivia yelled over everyone else, causing them to receive some looks by the people around them.

"Right!" everyone else agreed.

"Okay. So what's the first thing on the list?" she asked them.

Melinda briefly looked at her list. "Get twenty-four boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's shopping carts when they aren't looking."

"Did you guys find out where the condoms are?" Casey looked at Olivia, Elliot, and Alex.

"Apparently Elliot doesn't know where they are!" Alex pointed to Elliot, who shrugged.

"That's because he's never used them!" Munch commented.

"See! That's what I said!" Olivia gave Munch a high five. Elliot rolled his eyes.

"I bet I'm not the only guy here who doesn't know where the condoms are!" Elliot shot back.

The girls looked at Munch, Fin, and Doc. They responded by shaking their heads.

"Really?" Olivia asked.

"We all know that Doc doesn't even have sex," Melinda said, and the guys tried to hide their smiles. Doc opened his mouth to argue, but Casey beat him to it.

"He does!" Casey insisted.

Everyone looked at her questioningly. "How would you know?"

"Well…" she started, unsure where she was going.

"She's probably speaking from experience," Fin teased.

"I bet they screwed when she made his AIM!" Munch added.

"Well what's your guys' excuse for not knowing where they're at?" Doc changed the subject.

"I don't buy mine from Walmart," Fin told him, and Munch nodded in agreement.

"Munch, when was the last time you even had sex?" Alex turned to him.

"Last year – wait! That doesn't even have anything to do with this! When was the last time _you_ had sex?" he shot back.

"If you want to know it was-" she started.

"Holy crap! No one cares!" Elliot interrupted her.

"Let's go ask someone who works here where the condoms are," Doc suggested, changing the subject.

"Good idea Doc!" Casey agreed, causing him to blush.

"Yeah!" Olivia, Elliot, and Fin agreed.

"I think we should split up. That way, we can find someone and finish the first task faster," Melinda proposed. "Then when we find someone, we can just text each other where the condoms are."

"Okay. Me, Alex, and El will go this way." Olivia pointed to their right.

"Me and Mel will go this way." Casey linked her arm with Melinda's and pointed to their left.

"I guess me, Munch, and Doc will go that way." Fin pointed to the back of the store.

Everyone started walking in their directions. Olivia, Elliot, and Alex were the first ones to find a Walmart employee. He looked at them as if they were crazy when they had asked him where the condoms were.

"Oh God he was hot," Olivia said as he walked away.

"I know! And his name is Daniel! That name is SOOO hot!" Alex agreed.

Elliot rolled his eyes. "Let's just text everyone else and tell them where to meet us at."

**(-dun dun-)**

Three and a half minutes the eight friends met up in the condom section, which was located by the pharmacy.

"How did we not know where this was?" Olivia giggled.

"I don't even know," Casey laughed.

"Oh my God! The dude we found was so hot-" Alex started

"Anyways, what brand are you guys gonna grab?" Elliot cut Alex off.

"Trojan!" everyone answered.

As fast as they could, group grabbed twenty-four boxes of condoms, each different types by Trojan. They decided to meet at the entrance once they had finished their task.

Casey and Melinda were the first ones to grab twenty-four boxes of condoms. Their first victim was an old lady looking through happy birthday cards – they put two boxes of condoms in her cart. They saw a mother that was trying to keep her kids from dropping a glass vase three kids – four boxes for her. They saw a father with a son who looked about fourteen arguing – five boxes for them… Every time they saw a person who wasn't watching their shopping cart, they got a box or two of condoms until there weren't any boxes left.

Olivia, Elliot, and Alex were the second group done. And, of course, Munch, Fin, and Doc were the last group to grab twenty-four boxes of condoms. Both of these groups used the same tactic as Casey's and Melinda's – as they walk, randomly put a few boxes of condoms in the shopping carts of people who weren't looking. Olivia, Elliot, and Alex's first victim was a middle-aged couple. When they noticed the boxes of condoms in their cart, they looked at each other and ran to the bathroom, leaving their things behind; Munch, Fin, and Doc's first victim was a family of four. The younger daughter was the one to find the two boxes of condoms in the shopping cart, and she asked her parents what they were.

**(-dun dun-)**

Within twenty minutes, everyone was done with the first thing on the list. They were now at the entrance of Walmart, discussing the people whose shopping carts they put the boxes of condoms in. Once they were positive everyone was there, they crossed off the first thing on their lists.

_(X) 1. Get twenty-four boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's shopping carts when they aren't looking. _

**Author's Note**

**In case you didn't know, the song Olivia, Alex, and Elliot were singing on their way to Walmart is called "Looking Hot, Dangerous New Version" by Blood on the Dance Floor. If you didn't like the song, sorry, but I had to put it in cause I'm, like, obsessed with it right now because of my friend Joshie xD**

**This wouldn't be a CrackFic if Munch didn't talk about the government, right? Wait! It wouldn't be Munch if he didn't talk about the government! :D**

**Trojan condoms are the only ones that I've heard of, so sorry on the lack of creativity on that.**

**Omg! I think this is my longest chapter ever (-I think it's because of the song but whatever)! I'm happy now – the only thing that would make me happier would be to get a comment or two(;**


	3. Alarm Clocks

**Well I haven't been updating any of my stories as frequently as I wish I have, so I made myself stay up all night until I updated one of them, and this is the one I chose to update.**

**Enjoy :D**

**Chapter 3**

"Whose turn is it next?"Elliot asked once everyone had finished telling their stories.

"We are!" Melinda announced, grabbing Doc by the arm.

"Haha! This oughta be good! Munch laughed. "What's their task?"

"'Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at five minute intervals'," Alex read.

"I'd love to see Doc do that!" Fin laughed. Doc rolled his eyes.

"Wait! How will we know if they've done it?" Seven pairs of eyes drifted to Casey.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked.

"Like, they don't _have_ to do it. They can just lie and _say_ they did it. There will be no proof," Casey explained.

"Hmmm…you're right. But how would they prove it?" Olivia questioned.

"Oh trust me, you'll know," Melinda answered, winking at Doc.

Doc smiled and nodded, understanding what Melinda was talking about. "I guess we'll be going now. See you guys when we're done!"

Melinda and Doc walked off, leaving their six friends to wonder what exactly they were going to do.

**(-dun dun-)**

Since the Electronics section is located at the back of the store, between the art/fabric section and sports equipment, so it took them a few minutes until they actually reached Electronics. They looked around for a minute, and decided that it crowded – a little too crowded.

"I have an idea!" Melinda whispered.

"What is it?" Doc looked at her.

"You distract that lady-" she pointed at the only cashier who was working one out of the four cash registers, "-and I'll handle it."

"But how do I-?"Doc turned back to Melinda, but she was already gone. He sighed and walked over to the cashier.

"How may I, like, help you?" she asked, smacking her gum. She was bleach-blonde and looked about sixteen; her nametag said "Ashley".

"Well, Ashley, ummm…" Doc started, trying to think of something to day. "What's your favorite movie?"

"Huh?" She looked at him questioningly.

"What's your favorite movie?" Doc repeated. "Favorite means the thing you like best-"

"I _know _what it means! I'm not retarded! Why do you want to know?"

"It's for a survey," Doc lied.

**(-dun dun-)**

While Doc was distracting the cashier, Melinda was walking - well, _sneaking_ – to the empty cash register diagonal to the one Doc was at. Melinda looked around one more time before stepping into the cashier's box. She grabbed the phone and said, "Attention: there will be a five minute sale Call of Duty: Black Ops. The game will be sold for $5. That is all. Thank you."

The exact thing Melinda wanted to happen was happening: a huge crowd was running towards the video games, leaving the rest of the Electronics section fairly empty. She smiled and winked at Doc. "Ready," she mouthed.

"Oh. Ummm… I guess Mean Girls?" Ashley answered.

"Oh. Okay. Thank you for your time." Doc walked to Melinda. "Wow! Look at all those people!"

"I know! All for a stupid game, too!" Melinda laughed. "Let's go do what we came to do."

Looking back every two steps, they made their way to the back corner of Electronics, the opposite of where the mob was, trying to get the game.

"Oh my God," Doc said. There had to be over one hundred different types of clocks: Spongebob, Hello Kitty, black, digital, old school, you name it. They were on five different shelves on one rack, standing about five feet in the air. "That's a lot of clocks."

"I have another idea." Melinda smiled.

"Another? Jeez! That's like a record!" Doc laughed. "What is it?"

"We should set as many of these as we can."

He looked confused. "Why?"

"Because…well think of it this way: if we set twelve of them, there will be one going off every five minutes. Get what I mean?"

"Yeah!" His face brightened.

**(-dun dun-)**

Melinda and Doc only took only about seven and a half minutes to set every clock's alarm so it would go off five minutes after the one before it. By now, the people who had rushed to buy Call of Duty: Black Ops were now walking away, realizing there was no special $5 sale. As Melinda and Doc walked past them, noticing the disappointed looks on their faces, they looked at each other and laughed.

**(-dun dun-)**

By the time they had reached everyone else at the front of Walmart, two alarms had gone off and a third was due to go off any moment.

"Nice one!" Fin gave Doc a high-five and Melinda a hug.

"Yeah! That was great!" Olivia exclaimed.

"Thanks." Melinda and Doc smiled.

"How many of them did you guys set, anyways?" Alex asked them.

They looked at each other and started laughing.

"What?" Elliot looked at them both questioningly.

"We set over a hundred of them!" Doc announced.

"Damn!" Munch said.

Everyone laughed and checked the second item off of their lists:

_(X) 2. Set all the alarm clocks in Electronics to go off at five minute intervals._

**Author's Note**

**I asked my thirteen year old brother (Hunter) to name a popular game, so he helped me with that part.**

**Me and Ashley have the same favorite movie! xD**

**Some of the chapters will be shorter than others because some of the tasks require less people and/or they're really easy tasks.**


	4. Bathrooms & Tomato Juice

**Another story updated? Yeahp! Woot :D Are you guys excited? I know I am!  
Enjoyyyyyyy :D**

**Chapter 4**

"Whose turn is-"

"I have an idea!" Olivia interrupted Alex.

"What is it?" Melinda asked her.

"Since it's Casey and Fin's turn next, and the three tasks after that are for three different people, how about those people all do their jobs at the same time?" Olivia suggested.

"That's a good idea. It will save us_ tons_ of time!" Munch added.

"I didn't know you were so smart, Liv," Elliot smiled.

Olivia gave him a dirty look. "At least I know how to use condoms!"

"At least I would have a reason to use them!" Elliot countered.

"Dick," Olivia stated.

"Something you won't be getting any time soon, especially from me," he said under his breath, but loud enough for Olivia to hear.

"I heard that! And I wouldn't want any of yours, anyways."

"What's wrong with mine?" Elliot asked.

"Well-" Olivia started.

"Girls, girls, you're both pretty," Fin told them.

"Can you guys_ please_ stop arguing?" Casey asked. "You guys sound like an old married couple."

"They basically are one," Doc added, causing laughs from everyone but Elliot, who gave him a death glare.

"Watch your back, Doc," Elliot threatened.

"Oh chill, Ellie," Olivia told him. "It was a joke. If you had a sense of humor, maybe you would get it."

"You know what?" Elliot took a step towards her.

"What? Got something to say, Stabler?" Olivia stepped forward, too. They were nose to nose.

"God, I hate when they get like this," Alex commented.

"Right?" Melinda agreed.

"Are you guys going to make out or what? If you are, go right ahead. We all have bets on it, and I would like my twenty dollars. If not, let's get back to the reason we came here!" Casey declared.

Olivia and Elliot looked at each other for a moment longer before they each backed up.

"Let's go, Casey," Fin linked arms with Casey and the two of them walked to the left, towards the canned goods department; Olivia, Elliot, and Alex began walking so they could handle their duties; Munch, Doc, and Melinda headed towards the McDonald's to wait for their friends to return.

**(-dun dun-)**

"How many cans of tomato juice do you think we should get?" Casey asked Fin.

"Well, it depends on how big they are. I think we should each grab three cans of the regular size. The real question is what flavor we should get."

"We should get the extra chunky, because it will make it look extra nasty," Casey laughed.

They each grabbed three cans and slowly walked to the restrooms.

**(-dun dun-)**

They arrived at the restrooms in a matter of minutes. Luckily for them, the bathrooms were completely empty, both the women's room and the men's room. They glanced around one more time before they wished each other the beast of luck and opened the door.

Fin was disgusted at the condition of the men's room. It was covered with filth. There was a foul odor coming from one of the two stalls. The urinals needed to be cleaned for at least a week. The only thing that was clean was the sink.

"Of course," Fin said, looking at it. He shook his head.

He grabbed one of the three tomato juice cans and hit it against a corner of the door for the first stall. It wasn't as loud as he was expecting it to be. He repeated this for the other two cans. He kicked open the less stinky of the two stalls and dumped about a half of one of the cans of tomato juice into the toilet. It splattered everywhere. Just as he had hoped. Then he began making a trail with the rest of the tomato juice.

**(-dun dun-)**

Casey walked into bathroom, thanking God it wasn't as dirty as she had expecting. Of course it wasn't the cleanest bathroom she had ever been in, but it was a Walmart bathroom, not a bathroom in a five-star restaurant. She thought for a moment, thinking of the best, quickest, and quietest way to open the three cans she was holding in her arms. The only thing she could think of was throwing them on the ground. She walked into the second of the four stalls and threw it on the ground. It didn't open. She began jumping on it. It got all over her new flats.

"Dammit," she swore under her breath. "That's why you don't wear a new pair of shoes to Walmart."

She picked up the can and dumped some of its contents into the toilet. Some of it got onto the toilet seat. She grabbed a seat cover and put it on the toilet seat; it was still visible. Perfect. Just what she wanted. It looked so real and so…extra nasty.

She threw the other two cans on the ground and jumped on them. The tomato juice didn't splatter all over her like the first time, but it had made more noise. She peaked her head out of the restroom to make sure no one was coming. The coast was clear, for a second time, she thanked God. Their whole day would be ruined if she had gotten caught during her second duty. She made a path from the toilet to the restroom door. She tossed the cans into the trashcan to her right and walked out of the bathroom. Fin was already waiting for her.

"Done?" Fin asked.

"Yeah. You?"

"Of course." Fin laughed. "Let's go meet up with the others."

_(X) 3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the bathrooms._

**Author's Note**

**Even though some of the tasks will happen at the same time, each task will be in its own separate chapter. Just thought I should let you guys know.**


	5. Code 3 in Housewares

**I think I updated this story like a week ago, so this was a pretty speedy update. I'm pretty happy with myself.  
Enjoyyy :D**

**Chapter 5**

Alex was walking with Olivia and Elliot, who kept giving each other secret looks. Alex noticed. She always noticed. She wasn't as stupid as they apparently thought she was.

"Do you guys see a person who works here?" Alex asked them.

Olivia and Elliot looked around. "Nope."

"Fuckkkkk. I need to find one so I can do my duty," Alex huffed.

Olivia and Elliot ignored her, and continued glancing at each other. Alex was beginning to feel like a third wheel.

"Um, I'm going to go look for an employee. I'll meet up with you guys later," Alex declared.

"Okay," Elliot waved.

"Bye," Olivia responded.

"God, that was awkward. I don't understand why they don't just get together," Alex said as soon as her friends were out of earshot.

Alex walked past the children's department. No Walmart employees. She walked past the restrooms. No Walmart employees. (Though she _did_ see the mess Casey and Fin had left. She giggled.) After walking for a few minutes, she ended up at the pharmacy. She saw a little Asian woman putting pill bottles on a shelf, wearing tiny, brown-rimmed circular glasses; she was wearing a white apron and looked in her sixties. _Perfect_, Alex thought. Alex fixed her hair and walked up to the woman.

"How may I help you?" the Asian woman asked.

"Code 3 in housewares!" Alex exclaimed in a worried tone.

"Excuse me?" The Asian woman looked confused.

"Code 3 in Housewares!" Alex repeated, her tone was now serious.

The Asian woman's eyes widened. "What?!" She scurried behind the counter and dialed the phone. "Code three in housewares!"

An alarm started going off. Alex snuck away from the counter and hid behind a giant cut out standee of One Direction. Two security guards rushed past her, heading to housewares. In no time, they returned. The alarm stopped going off. They walked up to the old Asian woman.

"There was no crazy hippie in housewares," the first one told her.

The Asian woman looked confused. "That's not I was told."

"Who told you that?" the second security guard asked her.

"A tall, skinny blonde wearing black glass she explained.

Shit. I'm busted. Alex quietly walked past them, her hand covering her face. Unfortunately, the Asian woman saw her.

"That's her!" she shouted, pointed at Alex.

"Excuse me, miss-" the first security guard started.

Alex ran off.

_(X) up to an employee and tell her/him in an official tone "Code 3 in Housewares" and see what happens._

**Author's Note**

**I'm sorry this chapter was so short. Hopefully the next two will be longer.  
And I put the One Direction cut out standee in for all those people who like them. (They were the first band I could come up with that everybody would know. I don't like them, though.)**


	6. Can These Go On Layaway?

**Oh my God! I've missed writing so bad. I've just been so busy. And I switched from Show Choir back to Theatre, so I will be pretty busy, but it's my passion. (I know, is sounds cheesy :P) Yay! So I guess get to the story now. Enjoy! :D**

**Chapter 6**

Olivia and Elliot did not notice Alex leaving until she was already gone, not that they cared at that moment. This was the first time either of them had flirted with the other, especially in public. It was forbidden, but that made even more fun, more desired.

While they were walking, Olivia kept sneaking glances at him. Elliot, on the other hand, was not even pretending to be secretive – he was practically staring at her.

"May I help you?" Olivia joked.

Elliot thought for a moment. "Well you could…"

"I could what?" This was the first time since they arrived at Walmart that they were not arguing, (even though their arguing was not really arguing). Olivia was enjoying this alone time she was having with her partner. No work, just play. The idea excited her. "I may be able to help you."

He did more thinking. "Well, we _are_ basically alone right now, and we're _not_ on the job…"

"Go on," she told him. Elliot was saying exactly what she was thinking.

"You are beautiful, and I am pretty damn sexy. Plus, we are both single." He smiled and winked.

"Why thank you, El." Olivia giggled.

Elliot opened his mouth to respond, but Olivia cut him off, not with her words, but with her lips instead. He was a little surprised, but he quickly took control of the situation. He pulled her closer, leaving his hands around her waist. She wrapped her arms around his neck. Her lips opened, and he deepened the kiss. They would have continued kissing forever, but they were interrupted by Olivia's phone. They stopped so she could check her phone. It was Alex.

"Yeah?" Olivia answered her phone, trying to get herself together.

Alex was laughing and out of breath. "You missed it! I just outran two Walmart cops! I'm heading to the registers right now. Which one are you at? I can meet up with you, than we can walk to meet up with the others together."

"Well, I haven't exactly done my task yet…" Olivia's voice trailed off. She gave Elliot a quick kiss.

"Liv, that is an extremely easy task! Wait…what did I just hear? Was that a kiss?"

"No, Alex. Who would I be kissing?"

"Hi, Alex," Elliot interrupted, laughing. Olivia hit him.

"That answers my question. You guys need to hurry up and finish your tasks. You can continue sucking face when you're done." Alex was also laughing.

"Don't worry, we will," Elliot said as he hung up Olivia's phone. She was giving his a death glare. "What's wrong, Liv?" he asked her innocently.

"You just told Alex!" Olivia exclaimed. She began to walk away.

He grabbed her hand. "So?" Everybody is going to find out, anyways?"

She turned to face him, but she would not look him directly in his eyes. Her voice was softer this time. "That's not the point."

"There is no point. And ever if there is, it would be stupid. I really care about you, and I want everyone to know about it." He lifted her chin so he could see her eyes. "Besides, you're now off the market and I don't want anyone to get any ideas."

Olivia smiled. "That was sweet."

"I'm sweeter than sugar." They both laughed. Then it got quiet.

"Well, I think we should get back to doing the things on the list," Olivia broke the silence.

"Yeah," Elliot agreed with her. "I need to turn here. I'll meet up with you later?"

"Okay." Olivia smiled.

Elliot turned while Olivia continued going straight. She bit her lip. He was so sweet and he did not want to hide his feelings. _I need to hurry up and do this so I can see him again._ Olivia had not wanted to see him so bad in a long time.

**(-dun dun-)**

It took her a few minutes, but Olivia soon found her was to one of the lines. Since she only had a bag of coconut M&Ms, she was able to go to the express line, which had three people in it. That line sounded a lot more appealing than the other lines that seemed to continue on forever.

Soon, she was face to face with the cashier. He was a zit covered, curly haired, skinny teenager who looked about sixteen.

"How may I help you?" he asked.

"I would like to but these on layaway," Olivia told him matter-of-factly.

"Why? They're just a bag of M&Ms?" The boy looked confused.

Instead of making up a lie for this boy, Olivia had an idea up her sleeve or, in this case, down her shirt. She casually bent over. She saw the boy glance down her shirt. She smiled. "So about that layaway?"

"Take them. They're on me." The boy smiled back. He wrote something down on the back of her receipt. "Call me."

Olivia giggled as she walked away. _That was easier than I thought it would be!_

_(X) 5. Ask to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway._

**Author's Note**

**I know I have not updated in a long time. Do you think I lost my touch? Let me know :D**


	7. CAUTION - WET FLOOR

**Again, I feel really bad for not updating sooner. This is a pretty short chapter, but hopefully the next one will be longer.  
Enjoyyyyyy :D**

**Chapter 7**

Elliot was in a hurry to finish his task. He wanted to get back to Olivia. Thank God it was supposed to be an easy and quick one. He quickened his pace, looking everywhere for a wet floor sign. He walked past the pharmacy and noticed a little Asian woman talking to two security guards about some crazy blonde lady. _Probably Alex._ Elliot chuckled to himself.

**(-dun dun-)**

Elliot made his way to the back of the store. This had not been his plan. He was supposed to find the stupid sign and move it to a carpeted area. Easy enough. But the problem was he couldn't find a wet floor sign anywhere. He could hear a variety of different sounds he assumed were the alarm clocks going off.

On the verge of giving up, Elliot sat down in frustration. He put his head in his hands. _How hard was it to find this goddamn sign?_ He looked back up and noticed it. There it was, all alone in the middle of the fabric section. A beam of light point towards it. Well, Elliot might have been imagining that, as well as the music, but he didn't care. He had finally found a sign. Finally. He looked left and right. No one was around. He stood up and casually strolled over to it. Elliot grabbed it and walked until he found a carpeted area. Again, he looked around and saw no one. He put the sign down and left. Elliot pulled out his phone and called Olivia.

"Hey Liv? Meet me by the bathrooms."

**(-dun dun-)**

Olivia was leaning against the wall between the bathrooms when Elliot got there. She didn't notice him because she was playing with her phone. Elliot quietly ran up to her and pushed her up against the wall. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and without saying anything, he kissed her.

When he stopped, he looked at her for a moment. "That was for earlier."

Olivia bit her lip and pulled him in for another long kiss. Her arms were around his neck and his hands were on her hips. They continued kissing until they were once again interrupted by a phone call from Alex. They stopped kissing, but Olivia didn't answer her phone. Instead, Elliot offered her his hand and she took it. The two of them, hand in hand for the first time, made their way towards their friends.

_(X) 6. Move a CAUTION – WET FLOOR sign to a carpeted area._


	8. Camping Department Sleepover

**Sure, I have seen every episode, but I just finished watching the first season of SVU on DVD over the past week and oh my gosh – they were all so young! And cute! Just thought I would put that out there.**

**I hope you guys had a merry Christmas and have a happy New Year!**

**Chapter 8**

Casey and Melinda said goodbye to the remaining guys and began walking away. They were heading to the outdoor activities section, but first they needed to go to the bedding section to pick up a few things. Since neither of them had been in the Walmart since it had been remodeled, they were lost. They didn't want to ask for help, so they roamed around for awhile.

"So you and Fin…?" Casey brought up.

"What do you mean?" Melinda responded, not looking at her.

Casey grabbed Melinda's arm, stopping her. "I see the way you two look at each other. You touch him whenever you have the opportunity. You giggle at his joke, even when they are not that funny."

Melinda's jaw dropped. "How'd you notice that?"

"Psssh. I notice everything," Casey told her smiling. "Speaking of noticing things, I think I found the bedding department."

Melinda's gaze followed Casey's finger that was pointing behind her. _I'll be damned_, Melinda thought. The two high-fived and headed over to the shelves of decorated comforters and patterned pillows. They had to make sure they only picked pillows and bed spreads that were already open. Casey was immediately drawn to the pink and black cheetah print blanket and a matching pillow. Melinda, on the other hand, took a moment to choose the right one. She ended up with a gray, white, and purple plaid pillow with a plain purple comforter.

Walking through the store, the two women looked like little kids, engulfed in the blanket and pillow they had chosen. As they passed the children's section, Melinda grabbed herself a stuffed gray wolf and Casey a stuffed cheetah.

**(-dun dun-)**

Things continued to go their way: there was an open, army green tent on display in the camping department. They strolled around the department for a few minutes, making sure there were no suspicious people or Walmart employees there. The coast was clear, so they returned to the tent. Casey set up her bedding inside of the tent. She tossed her stuffed cheetah on top of the blanket. Melinda did the same thing with her pillow, blanket, and stuffed animal. The two women crawled into the tent, Casey first, then Melinda, who was tying up the door to the tent so people would be able to see them.

In less than five minutes, they found their first victims: two teenage boys, about sixteen. One was a tall white kid and the other boy was short, skinny, and Asian. Casey and Melinda looked at each other and giggled. The boys overheard the laughing and looked at them. Casey winked and beckoned them towards her and Melinda. Since they were teenage boys who had no control over their hormones, the hurried over.

"I'm Fred and this is Randy," the Asian one flirted. "Can we come in?"

"Sure, but it's BYOB," Casey told them.

"What's that?" the other boy asked.

"Bring your own bedding," Melinda explained.

The boys looked at each other for a moment. "We'll be right back," they told the women.

"I think Fred knows he's your type," Melinda remarked once the boys were out of earshot.

**(-dun dun-)**

The boys ran to the bedding department and grabbed a handful of pillows and blankets, not bothering to check what kind they were.

"We are so going to get some!" Fred exclaimed.

"Hell yeah we are!" Randy responded. "I hope those girls-"

"-_women_," Fred corrected him.

"-are still there."

A large, bald, black man dressed in a blue shirt and khakis stood in front of them. "What are you boys doing with all of these bedspreads and pillows?"

The boys stopped, dropping all of the bedding. The black man shook his head in disgust.

"Well, you see…" Randy started.

"You were going to get laid?" the black man offered.

"Hell yeah we-" Fred stopped himself.

The black man lowered his voice. "Tell me where these girls-"

"-_women_," Fred corrected him.

"-women are."

The black man, who told them his name was Gerald, followed the two boys.

**(-dun dun-)**

Melinda noticed the boys, followed by a Walmart employee, heading their way. Melinda showed Casey, who nodded. The two women quickly and quietly exited the tent. They hid behind a sales rack, making sure they could not be seen but they could still see everything.

"Where are these women?"an angry Gerald asked Fred and Randy.

"They were here-" Randy started.

"I don't see them."

"But there were here! They told us if we brought our own bedding, they would invite us into the tent!" Fred tried to explain, but Gerald would not listen.

"Boys, I don't like being lied to and I don't like little punks making a mess in my store. I am going to have to call your parents," Gerald told them

"But-" the boys tried to say.

Gerald grabbed each of them by their collars and dragged them off. Casey and Melinda moved into plain sight, watching them walk away.

"I do feel bad. Fred was kind of cute," Casey commented.

Melinda laughed and the two women high-fived. They started walking towards their friends.

_(X) 7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell shoppers you will invite them in if they bring their own pillows and blankets from the bedding department._


	9. Paranoid Shopper

**Well, a lot of drama happened at my house. I'll spare you the details, but someone left in handcuffs, but only for three days. A big weight has been lifted off of my shoulders, as well as my brother's. Why am I telling you this? I guess this site is my comfort zone. Prayers would be appreciated/:**

**On a lighter note, I am updating this story faster than I thought I would be.**

**Chapter 9**

Munch, Fin, and Doc were sitting at a table in the McDonalds. Being the mature men they are, they were laughing throwing some French fries at each other. Olivia and Elliot, still hand in hand, were the first of the friends to return. The men did not see their friends, so Olivia and Elliot stood there for a minute, watching their friends let out their inner children.

Fin was the first to stop. "What are you guys doing back so soon?"

"We each had a really quick task. Did we interrupt your little French fry war?"

"Yes you did!" Munch exclaimed. He paused and looked at them for a moment before his jaw dropped. "Are you two holding hands?"

With a huge smile, Elliot lifted up his and Olivia's entwined hands. "Good use of your detective skills, Munch."

"I knew you two were going to get together!" Doc commented.

"Doc, we all knew they were going to get together. Munchiekins, where's that fifty you owe me?"

Olivia blushed. "You guys took a bet on Elliot and me getting together?"

"Hell yeah we did! And I lost. If you guys would have waited another two weeks, Fin would be the one who owed me money-"

"But they didn't, so you better pay up you old Jew!" Fin cut Munch off, laughing.

"Finnie, be nice to poor old Munchiekins," Alex teased, walking up behind the group, followed by Casey and Melinda. "So it's true!"

"Alex, we wouldn't have lied," Elliot told her.

"Why did she get to know?" Casey questioned.

"We didn't. She called me and-" Olivia started.

"Who cares? You two are _finally_ together and we came here for a reason," Melinda announced, quieting her friends.

"True that," Fin agreed, walking over to Melinda and putting his arm around his shoulders. "Who's the next group going out?"

Olivia looked over her list. "Me, you, Elliot, and Munch."

"Let's do this!" Munch jumped up and gave Elliot and Fin a fist bump.

**(-dun dun-)**

After quick goodbyes were exchanged, half of the strolled through Walmart while the remaining half stayed at McDonalds, eating their weight in French fries and nuggets. Munch and Fin did not want to be their friends' third and fourth wheel, so they separated, going left towards the electronics. Pulling Olivia close, Elliot and Olivia walked towards the hunting section.

"Do you want me to stay with you when you do your task?" Elliot asked her, kissing her cheek.

"You can't really be with me when I do it, but you can wait for me if you want."

Elliot nodded and the new couple smiled.

**(-dun dun-)**

Olivia decided it would be easiest to do her mission in the clothing section near the women's dressing room. _There are always a lot of employees over there,_ she thought. She gave Elliot a quick kiss before leaving him in the male clothing section, which was right across the aisle from Olivia's destination. Elliot wanted to get a good view of Olivia's acting skills.

Olivia walked across the aisle, giving Elliot one last look before she did her task. He smiled. She walked over to the jeans, looking through them. Seconds later, like she had expected, an employee approached her.

"Hey hun, is there anything I can help you with?" an old woman, around the age of sixty, asked Olivia.

Olivia quickly turned to face the old women. She conjured up some tears, looked the woman straight in the eyes, and shouted, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?!"

The old woman looked shocked. "I'm sorry-"

Olivia sprinted across the aisle, running into a laughing Elliot.

"I didn't know you were so good at acting," Elliot told, wiping away her fake tears.

"Did you see how old she was? I feel terrible. I didn't know she was that old until I turned around, but I couldn't half commit."

Elliot engulfed her in an enormous hug. "Is it weird that I was turned on by that?"

Olivia giggled and playfully punched him. Elliot grabbed her by her waist and the two began walking towards the gun department.

_(X) 8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and say, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?!"_


	10. Nose Picker's Cramp

**Woot! Three chapters in a week for one story. I think that is a personal record. Hopefully I can keep this momentum going. This chapter is going to be pretty short because the task is really easy. I hope everyone will have a fun and safe New Years!**

**Chapter 10**

"What's your next task?" Munch asked Fin as they walked.

Fin pulled the folded paper from his pocket. He glanced at it for a moment and laughed. "It says I have to pick my nose while looking into a security camera."

"Of course you got that one!" Munch chuckled. "So what's going on with you and Melinda? You tap that?"

"Munch, please don't talk like that. And besides, it isn't like that."

"Awe, does Finnie have a crush?" Munch teased.

"I didn't say that. But I do like her. And she likes me. We just started going out two weeks ago. You're the first person I have officially told."

Munch stopped. He felt touched. He extended a fist towards Fin. "Partners for life."

Laughing, Fin stopped walking and punched it. "Are you trying to be a gangster now, Munch?"

"You know it! I didn't choose thug life, thug life chose me." Munch started walking, leaving a snorting Fin.

**(-dun dun-)**

Since both of their tasks could take place wherever they wanted them to, they decided to be each others' "partners" for them. (They were not going to do them together, but they were going to do them near each other and have their partner's back, like they do when they are working on a case.) Fin had the next assignment, so he was going to go first. Munch checked to make sure the coast was clear; it was. Fin stood in the middle of the candy aisle. He looked up and saw a solid black half circle connected to the ceiling – a security camera. He gave Munch a thumbs up. Munch stood at the end of the aisle. Fin ran his fingers through his short hair. He made an obvious attempt to check if anyone was around him. He got his pointer finger ready. He looked up into the security camera and picked his nose.

"Oh God! That is disgusting!" a mother with her young child shrieked from the other side of the aisle. She hurried past the aisle with her child, who was now picking his noise.

"I thought you were supposed to make sure no one saw me?" Fin accused Munch.

"I was watching this side of the aisle. I can't be in two places at once! Besides, that was pretty funny."

The two men laughed.

**(-dun dun-)**

A man walked into the men's restroom at the front of the store, not noticing the red, chunky liquid under his feet. He did not notice it in the bathroom, either. He walked into the less stinky stall. He looked down and screamed. He opened the door and noticed the mess. He ran out of the bathroom, freaking out.

"What's going on, sir?" Gerald asked the man.

"Blood. Chunks of flesh. All over the bathroom!" The man ran out of the store.

"I wonder if this has anything to do with those women the boys were talking about..." Gerald said to himself.

_(X) 9. Look right into a security camera, use it as a mirror, and pick your nose._


End file.
